Archive for June, 2007


This weekend has given me the opportunity to do alot of thinking about what I want out of life.  After realizing I’ve not been fulfilled working simply to get by and my yearning for travel and cultural understanding has gone unfed, I’ve made the decision to spend 4 to 6 weeks next year volunteering in India.  I decided to do the volunteer program after deciding I wanted more than just the cursory tourist experience.  The task of finding the best program is still a bit daunting, but I’m confident that the decision at least is the right one. 

 In preparation for the trip I will be learning Hindi, one of many national languages of India, including English. I’ve already began to fall in love with the beautiful Devarangari script.  Allthough speaking Hindi is in no way a requirement for any of the programs, I feel it will give me a better opportunity to understand the people I am working to help and their needs and desires.

 My goal is to do a trip a year, to different countries or areas and to become a global advocate and public speaker for global issues when I return in my spare time.  It’s also something I hope to incorporate seamlessly into my writing.

 I just feel the sting of how easily we as Americans, sit within our four walls and are so disconnected from the world at large, the suffering that is taking place is so easy to push out of our minds.  I feel the need to do something to address that.

 Why India?  I’m not exactly sure where my fascination with India began, but it has not diminished over the years that I have been aware of it.  The opportunities I’ve had to meet natives of India and hear their stories have been fascinating.  And these have been the lucky ones.  The well off ones who have come to the US.  Within their stories are horrors of sexual inequality and social systems that make helping their own people difficult.  But for many in India hunger, unemployment, and an inate sense of an inability to help oneself are commonplace. 

I’m also fascinated by the religions and cultures of the different regions of India.  The history, colors, spices and fabrics as well as rituals and rites that are worlds apart from what we know here in the United States.

I hope to spend part of my time in Delhi and part of my time in rurul Dharamsala were I will also be exposed to the Tibetian culture as it is the home of the exiled government of Tibet and the Dalai Lhama. 

I’m not sure exactly when the trip will take place.  Things will have to be worked out with my job and fundraising.  But I’m hoping for sometime next summer.

I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts on this endeavor, and any suggestions or advice you might have for me.

Live Well!



June 24, 2007 at 6:19 pm 4 comments

No better feeling….

For the first time in weeks I have an entire weekend to do what I want.  Trust me the to do list has been building up and there are lots of things to choose from, but nothing that I must do this second, nothing that will loose a $100,000 account if it isn’t accomplished. 

There is absolutely no better feeling in the world than being able to actually choose what to do with your time.  I’ll admit it, I was spoiled for years….no job, free to read when I felt like it, write when I wanted, sleep when I chose.  I got surprisingly little done in those 5 years. 

But now that I have an extremely demanding job, everything is falling into perspective.  The important things float to the top and the time wasters, just sort of drift away to sea.  I was worried about losing some of my favorite activities….like naps…..but when it all comes into motion…my naps stay.  They are what keeps me sane and recharge my well worn batteries.  What really dissapears is things like celebrity magazines, television and playing till all hours of the night.  Yes I can still go watch Grey’s Anatomy on but I’m not a slave to a schedule.  Yes, I keep my satelite dvr subscription up so I can record a movie or history channel program now and then…but usually the tv is off.

Even my computer, which IS always on, is becoming more streamlined. No more lazy browsing for hours (unless it’s research for a writing project), no more belonging to 20 different yahoo groups.  I still work on designing my own sites, but I’m not in a rush.  When they get done, they get done.  If I’m not enjoying it, it’s time to switch to something else. 

And Books are starting to stack up around me again.  Still reading more than one at a time…but 4 not 12 and I’m much more selective.  Next weekend will be another cutting the fat weekend, selling all the books, dvds, clothes, etc that I will never touch. 

This weekend though, is about figuring out me.  Who I have become (heaven knows I’ve seen ALOT of transformation the last year), what I want and how to get there.  It’s about managing goals….figuring out how to communicate them, and helping people understand me and my needs.  I finally understand it’s okay to be selfish about some things.  It’s about finding my passions again and ways to be fullfilled.  It’s about being honest and learning I CAN HANDLE THIS!!!

I’m quite proud of myself actually.  But maybe that’s just because I had the nap!!


June 16, 2007 at 8:59 pm Leave a comment

Just a pic….couldn’t resist!

June 13, 2007 at 10:24 am Leave a comment

Check out this post from The ADD Blog

Monday, June 11, 2007

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Day 305 of THENERVOUSBREAKDOWN.COM experiment.

Was reading the latest edition of Esquire magazine this weekend, the one with Angelina Jolie on the cover.

In it there is a lengthy quote from Jeffrey Sachs, an American economist and an expert on world poverty. Sachs is the director of the United Nations Millennium Project and the author of a book called The End of Poverty.

He works with a variety of big name celebrities, including the likes of Bono, Madonna, Matt Damon, and Angelina Jolie.

Here is what he has to say about them and the work they do on behalf of those less fortunate:

These are people with the widest reach in the world, and not by accident. Not only are they leading artists and personalities; they are great leaders and managers, and that’s part of their success. When you consider what Angelina does or Bono or Madonna—these are real forces of nature. It goes beyond their fan bases. They are able to speak to tens of millions of people, and that goes back to how bright they are, how well they manage across their artistic work, their work in music and film. Their participation has been absolutely essential to the mainstreaming of these global issues into American life, which is why I find so ridiculous the cynicism, the pundits who disdain this. They misunderstand how our society works, and they misjudge these people, their leadership. No good deed goes unpunished, and it’s certainly true of this activity. Angelina goes at it with utter honesty, hard work, and a deep feeling for the common fate of humanity. There’s no doubt about that or about her love for her children. And yet the amount of chattering that goes on about it is endless and preposterous, in my view.

Your thoughts?


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June 12, 2007 at 7:10 am Leave a comment

Insomnia and other thoughts…

I’m supposed to be sleeping….Or at least writing something worthwhile, or editing my screenplay or even (sigh) working.  Instead I have just about enough ultra caffeinated brain cells functioning to keep me wide awake and unable to do anything that requires higher thought than leaving comments for friends on myspace .  Yes, it’s a sad world.


 On the up side….I’m starting to feel less stress.  I’m actually not working because I’m relaxed…I’m not obsessing over spending 70 hours a week at a silly job that I know in my heart is not going to hold my interest forever.  There isn’t enough humanity to it.  And money just isn’t enough of a motivator for me to fall in love with something. 

I’ve been thinking alot about trying to find a good volunteer outlet.  As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already, I know, but I’m just feeling sort of useless lately…selfish….like I’m not making  a difference….and that feeling just gets under my skin and crawls around until I can’t ignore it any more.  I don’t feel like myself.

make a difference

I’ve thought alot about trying to get involved in some sort of drug counseling or SI Awareness.  I have all these amazing public speaking skills that I never have a chance to use…and I’d like to put them to good use. 

 There are just so many worthy causes out there, I want to find one that is a good fit for me, something I really care about and wont get bored with but can be passionate about.  Let me know if you  have any suggestions for me.

And by the way….never look up crawling skin on google images….yuck!!!!

June 12, 2007 at 6:58 am Leave a comment

Check this out!

Harlem’s Painted Lady

A realy fascinating look at the constantly changing landscapes of Harlem.  This was a short walk from where I lived and the pictures are a good example of the diverse buildings in various states of being forgotten in the area.

Missing it!

June 9, 2007 at 2:56 pm 1 comment

Venting Frustrations

frustrationI yelled at my brother via instant message today ALL CAPS and everything.  There really wasn’t anything he did, other than mention getting ready for his cruise this weekend. 

SHUT THE HELL UP , was my very educated reply.

 The other night I met an LDS guy for a first date.  He came over to my house and proceeded to lie down on the couch and fall asleep keeping me up till 1 because I couldn’t get him to just leave and go sleep at his own house.

 That’s just the latest in a string of bad dates, stand-ups and boring conversations.

 The one guy I did have an interest in of course wont return my calls, and I’m afraid to even get excited about anyone else.  Well, ok…I do have some high hopes for Saturday…

 Even so, it all wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the cruise.  My brother is going on the cruise I was supposed to have gone on this week.  I had to cancel for the 2nd time because I was in the hospital again last week. 

 Travel is supposed to be my consolation prize for not being married yet.  But instead, I’ve barely crossed the continental borders and my brother not only gets the family and kids, but the cruise too.

Add frustrations at work and cut to me almost breaking down into tears in the office today.

The piles of paperwork on my desk and database system that is supposed to be operational on Monday leave me with two options….work insane hours at home for no extra pay, or fall even further behind and risk another confrontation with my boss about my workload. 

 I’d give anything for just one of those ten assistants he promised me about now.

June 7, 2007 at 2:34 pm 1 comment


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